I got a job at a Hot Dog stand out the front of Grauman’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood called Hot Dogs and Dreams. The owners of the stand knew I was an artist and asked me to paint a Hot Dog sign. Initially I was reluctant because there was no mention of money but eventually I warmed to the idea of having one of my paintings on display at a historic Hollywood landmark.
What started out as a pretty conventional Hot Dog sign took a weird turn when the sliced jalapeños resembled comedy and tragedy masks and before long the sign was over run with pseudo-Hollyood iconography and occult symbolism.
I was three quarters of the way through the painting when I got a call telling me the Hot Dogs and Dreams had been shut down by the LA County Department of Public Health. I was about to destroy the painting in a frustrated rage but instead I decided to finish it. The absurdity of painting a Hot Dog sign for a Hot Dog stand that no longer existed when I should have been looking for another job seemed appropriately symbolic of where I was at with my art and life in general.
Whether Hot Dogs and Dreams abrupt closure was a result of my dalliance with occult symbolism or our somewhat casual relationship towards food hygiene we’ll never know. There is, however, a third possibility; the Julia Roberts conspiracy. On one of the Hot Dog stand’s menu boards I had written ‘Julia Roberts bought a Hot Dog here!’
This wasn’t true and it also wasn’t true that I’d had sex with her but this is exactly what I told the many tourists who would stop and take photos of the sign. This claim of mine was generally met with either amusement or looks of pity but occasionally a dumb-arse from the Mid-West would look astonished and ask if they could take my picture. (Naturally I was more than happy to oblige.)
Julia Roberts’ Illuminati outfit with serpent and All Seeing Eye.
Did Julia Roberts, whose connection with the Illuminati is well known, have someone make a phone call to the LA County Department of Public Health to close down Hot Dogs and Dreams? This is destined to join the ranks of great Hollywood conspiracy mysteries.
So although my career as a Hot Dog vendor was cut tragically short by the Hollywood power elite and the New World Order, at least there are photos out there of me with a big ‘shit eating/ I fucked Julia Roberts’ grin on my face.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Steve Cox October 2, 2014 at 6:54 am
This is hilarious, Tom! LOL
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